Here are some “normal” things from your childhood that are actually insane…
Hooray for not getting lit on fire!
Because a metal headband will definitely keep me from being catapulted out of this poorly-protected death trap.
Because whoever is responsible for making Ranch dressing must have their health priorities in the right places.
Because sitting in an encapsulated smoke tube for hours isn’s dangerous AT ALL.
I’m not sure how this e-cigarette with a harmonic attachment qualified as a razor.
The fact that babies made it through those formative weeks = A miracle.
I repeat: “Salad gelatin in VEGETABLE flavors.”
The trusty Gilbert Chemistry Set contained chemicals like highly flammable potassium permanganate and ammonium nitrate (a chemical used in homemade bombs). The fact that any nerds survived into their adult years is amazing.
Creepy Crawlers taught valuable life lessons like “try not to burn the shit out of yourself” and also “toxic things exist”. Because molten plastic is totally skin-friendly.
The July 1904 edition of Sherwin-Williams monthly publication reported that lead paint was “poisonous in a large degree, both for the workmen and for the inhabitants of a house painted with lead colors.” But who cares about workmen and your home inhabitants.
Damn that Shirley Temple!
Because getting punched in the head is what skulls are for.
I’mmm dreaming of a white…carcinogennnnnn.
Because why work your body when you could just be vibrated by a big hugging machine?
Because laws shmaws.
Young men were basically either in the jungle getting shot at or at home doing drugs in a field.
Literally a piece of plywood with wheels knocked on.
People who could hit kids: Parents, nuns, priests, rabbis, teachers, grocery clerks, people in suits, people with someplace to be, people who have lawns, old people, and just about everyone else, too.